"My Alter Egos" (Part Seven)
I'm not sleeping much lately and when I do, I have Malina dictating things inside my head that I don't agree with!
It's almost as if she's brain washing me and so far, it's starting to work little by little...
Malina has found a new territory to try to conquer, my sub-conscious! (dream state of mind).
I would like to think she can't use 'inception' to get to my deep sub-conscience level, but that would be foolish of me!
I was always superb at 'lucid' dreaming, but that took practice nonetheless, and I became good at it!
It's been many years that I have been dreaming in color and remembering details, that sometimes... Nobody ought to remember!
In the past 8 years, my dreams have been getting weirder and weirder.
They are very scary and vivid dreams!
I dream of a masked man with a knife, who chases me until I have no choice but to let him kill me or jump off the cliff.
I dream of strange faces and afterwards, I see those same faces a few weeks later!
Just a few nights ago, I woke up all dressed up as if I was going somewhere...
I didn't have a clue as to where I had planned on going, but I was dressed to go somewhere!
If it wasn't for the fact that my cat woke me up, I don't know where I would have ended up!
So many things are being juggled through my mind, I can hardly keep track now.
As a the 'Driver', I have no clue as to where I will end up with the wheel in my hands...
I don't know weather I ought to turn left, right, go straight or weather I should just stay still.
I have woken up from my own voice, talking out loud during a dream!
I have no clue what all these dreams mean, but they must mean something!
The sub-conscious is always trying to give us a hint of what is going on.
I must pay attention, very close attention!
I have also found myself drifting off during my waking moments, only to find myself in a dream-like stage...
Not a good sign, if you ask me!
Nothing happens for no reason, everything has a meaning.
Not many want to acknowledge that, but I do!
Perhaps, I have lost it. I don't know. All I know is that I'm a target for the moment by something I can't figure out. To those that are spiritual, you might say it's demonic.
To those that are scientific, you may say that it's emotional trauma.
Watever it may be, my suspicion is that Malina is behind it all the way, but I could be wrong and maybe, just being paranoid!
My dreams are very real and scary to me.
I'm trying to figure out how it may affect my judgement for the betterment of the rest of my 'Alter Egos', that is if they are all still intact!
I'm starting to feel desperation now, and I never believed in desperation!
I had to learn the hard way that one must stay calm and stay ten steps ahead, but I feel like I'm loosing ground.
Malina seems to be winning with her twisted yet logical views.
I can only hope and pray that I'm stronger than I had ever hoped to be.
This is surely the hardest battle I've ever had to undergo.
Dreams... They may not seem to mean much to you, but they mean the world to me!
They have made me who I am today and all that I've accomplished!
To some, they are mambo jumbo nonsense, but to me?
They are as real as taxes and death!
What will happen in the next 7 days is unknown.
All I know, is that I must make changes and choices that deal with some unpleasant things and I will be the one responsible, no matter what Malina suggests or doesn't suggest!
How I wish for little Amy to speak out...
Perhaps, if Danielle would say one word, like 'NO!' that would help me a lot!
For now, Malina is dominating in a bad way and I'm torn between doing right or doing wrong in accordance to 'The Codes'...
( To be continued )...
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