Friday, August 3, 2012

" MY ALTER EGOS " ( Part Six )

                                                            "My Alter Ego" (Part Six)

I'm still able to distinguish her thoughts from my own, but I grow weary with each constant struggle...
I find myself fighting against her intrusions, with every ounce of energy that I have.
I must regain control over my body and mind, if I don't...
May God forgive the things that I may do wrong!

I'm now feeling very desolate in my attempts to get the closest people to understand the struggle that I face. Slowly but surely, I'm wanting and needing solitude. Not knowing which directions I must 'drive' my 4 Alter Egos is driving me deeper into the abyss.

There are still no communication with Amy, Chloe and Daniele. It is only Malina who speaks!
Each day brings me closer to Malina defeating me in my quest to complete my job, which is to drive them to their destination of 'Peace and Unity'. I feel alone and very close to being desperate in my fight to survive in my physical body as myself, 'the driver'.

Each day, Malina suggests that I should leave everyone behind who cares about me.
She tells me that they only care because I do things for them and always have.
I have been the 'driver' and the 'provider' along with being able to make sense of things, most can't even fathom!
But I'm tired now...
Too many hurts inflicted by those who were supposed to have loved me, and those that I trusted.

This is indeed what I think about...
What would it be like to sleep permanently, so that I don't have to look after the four of them or anyone else for that matters!
Is it wrong? I have always been the type to work at everything, especially understanding and forgiveness. That was Danielle's influence but now that she has been silent, all I hear is Malina's plans to flee from everyone!

I'm not afraid to die but I'm afraid to let Malina take over! I would rather have Danielle be in charge. She is Intelligent and responsible. She is compassionate and accepting. She is logical and trustworthy.
Malina used to be, with the exceptions of her temper. She used to be protective of Amy and the rest.

Now, she is counting the days when she can find  a good reason to 'Punish' and 'Hurt' back!
She has some very valid points of argument there! I mean really, how much can little Amy and the rest take? That includes me, in the physical!

I'm not sleeping much and when I do, I have Malina dictating things inside my head that I don't agree with!
It's almost as if she is brain washing me and so far, it's starting to work little by little...

( To be continued )...

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