"My Alter Egos" (Part Nine)
What is going on? Is it possible that what I thought was real, isn't real at all?
Is Malina my alter ego, or am I actually hers?
There was something 'Magical' about the dream I had with Malina in control.
Today, I feel like a new person. My day was very productive and I feel something has changed within me. I do believe that one can't know good unless they have some knowledge of evil.
If all one has ever known are good feelings then one's coping skills, when bad hings happen would most likely be below average.
Having said that, I don't agree in being bombarded with shit after shit, year after year.
That is not healthy at all, even if it's in the name of wisdom!
I have never been into drama and chaos. I'm methodical and I plan ahead.
I respect failures and victories. I have my opinion but I don't judge!
Malina is the opposite. She judges and never gives a second chance. I sometimes wish I could be that way...
My up-bringing was all about being considerate and thoughtful towards others first.
'Never wait to be asked to help'. When you see a need, you must act fast to help!
It sounds great, doesn't it? It is! ... For everyone else but thyself!
This is what Malina continuously argued with Danielle about. The two were always arguing over 'Right' and 'Wrong'. They were both always correct, if my opinion counts for anything at all.
Malina is no dummy. She is highly intuitive and instinctive with no remorse when she sees that a person is selfish. Danielle on the other hand, loves to be kind and nurturing.
She's well-educated, articulate, and very difficult to beat in an argument.
She always has the facts, that the next person was too lazy to dig and find.
When the two of them agree, there can be no losing! They are both intimidating as hell and if it weren't for Chloe's sense of humor, everyone would be panic stricken.
Danielle is still silent for the moment and I'm wondering if this is from a silent agreement the 4 have made behind my back!
Perhaps, they are not happy with the way I've been driving them to their destination.
I can see why. After all, I've allowed too many to distract my driving straight to the location they need to be!
Yes, I have my own mind and my opinion counts. They can all say 'NO' but if I say 'Yes', then ultimately... I have the last word and it's my action that counts.
Yes, I have failed them greatly. I've never been afraid to own up to failures, but I have also brought them victories too and that should count for something!
I will go with Malina for another walk tonight in dreamworld. I would like to see and understand why she is leading for now or if she is now the captain of the group.
I can't see Danielle staying silent for too long, but I could be wrong!
I'm afraid to like what I didn't like before. I see that I'm somewhat mutating into something other than an evolved 'ME'.
Throughout the years, when Malina would come out and deal with things rather than Danielle, things were always done quickly. Sometimes, people got hurt with words or by fist, but it was quick and all was worked out by Danielle later. She always had a way of smoothing things over after the storm and the terror that Malina caused. No real harm done unless the opponent had it coming! Malina was merciless in that way! Danielle gave and always took the pain away.
Malina told me that I must take a different route to our destination now. No more fucking around with hitch hikers and the likes in the name of being a good samaritan.
"Drive straight and fast or you will be dismissed" were her words to me.
What that means, I don't know and I'm not worried. For as long as they exist, I shall exist.
I was able to taste what it's like to be in someone else's mind co-existing with another and...
what it's like to be them in my mind and body.
Perhaps, it's my turn to be driven around and ride as a passenger.
I know this much, if I make an agreement then I must honor it and sometimes, things can't go back to the way they used to be!
Malina will make sure to tempt me soon...
( To be continued )...