" MY ALTER EGOS " ( Part Fourteen )

                                                      "My Alter Egos" (Part Fourteen)


"No! Get me the fuck out of here! Malina stop, please let me wake up. I don't want to be here!"

"Shut up, this is good for you Miss goody goody. It's about time you learned this shit! Now I forbid you to speak to me, I have a job to do and these people need me to give them their poison"


I was in hell, so I thought but Malina was just getting started...


Indeed, more poison was what she would give! She led the group to the next room which had all sorts of weird looking apparatuses. There was a man with a full mask on, standing over a woman who appeared to be asleep. She had attachments on her back. They looked like strings or something of the sort. I didn't really want to know!

Malina asked the group if there was anyone that wanted to try any of it, but the crowd stayed silent.
Malina then spoke up and said "I see this group is rather shy. That's alright, if no one wants to be the first to volunteer then I will!"

I was screaming for her to stop whatever it was she had planned on doing, but it was to no avail!
She was assisted by the fully masked man on top of a table.
She disrobed and ordered one of the men from the group to pleasure her. It was not a request, it was a firm order that the man could not refuse.

What happened after was torturous to me! The masked man took three long thick needle-like instruments that were about 4-5 inches long and pierced Malina's nipples and then her clitoris hood! Oh my God, it hurt so bad I was screaming but she was enjoying herself...
I'm sure that my physical body, which was asleep has now pissed the bed from the pain in this dream!

After the piercing was done, Malina went on all fours and the masked man attached some mini weights on each end of the metal. They dangled like a balancing scale!
I could barely breathe and wanted to die from the pain. She then instructed the chosen helper to use his tongue to flick the weights hanging from both her nipples.

That wasn't enough for Malina, she made him do the same with the weights hooked on her clitoral hood. She moaned in Ecstasy while I suffered in pain and trapped with no way out!
The group stayed silent, probably too afraid and wishing they had never agreed to become a part of this elite and secret circle...

Just as I was afraid and regretted my choice to let Malina take me into 'Dream world', where she is the Master and I'm the slave.
Malina enjoyed doing the exhibition for the crowd. She wanted to instill fear in them, and it was working damn well. I may have been in pain but my wits were still strong enough to know her motives. How many more rooms will there be? When will I wake up from this dream?

I'm certain that Malina will do her best to keep me inside this dream for as long as she can. She feels only the pleasure and I feel all the pain!
For now, all I can do is hope that I will wake up and be set free from this nightmare...


( To be continued )...


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" MY ALTER EGOS " ( Part Thirteen )

 

              
                                                        "My Alter Egos" (Part Thirteen)


She began to lead the crowd into the next section of the mansion. As the door opened, what I saw was enough to scare the living shit out of me!
There was a man suspended in the air with pins and needles through his skin!

She laughed at me and told me that I had no choice, but to go through with this. She told me that I was her special guest, who was about to experience my own evil within her...


I was mortified by the sight! What I thought were pins and needles were actually hooks!
Malina explained that most do not understand this type of 'Pleasure' but that they will as they move up with their sexual and mental integration.


"What the fuck are you talking about Malina?" I asked her, but she ignored me.
She continued to explain that the man hanging was surely alive and feeling euphoria like no one could put into words. She said that at this level, one doesn't need a partner to have an orgasm.
The pain and pleasure creates that orgasmic feeling that lasts as long as you want. It was complete control over one's physical sensation and mental high...


The words coming out of her mouth were ridiculous but the people were buying it. She is like a bad dream! What the hell was I saying? She is only a dream and I can wake up from this, I know I can!
The one lady asked if she could look at him closer but Malina said no. She explained that we may only peak but never disturb. She finally shut the door and led everyone to the next one. I thought I closed my eyes but I guess there is no closing your vision when you are in someone else's mind in dream world.

What I saw next was just as disturbing because it was of a woman. Men have always been wack jobs to me when it came to sex but women? What the hell did I know until now?
There she was, moaning and sounding like she was having the best sex ever! I wanted to vomit...

One of the men said "Miss Malina, I'm getting really horny over this, may I stroke myself underneath my robe?"


"Of course you may Number 13, didn't you know that it was permissible? This is the place where you can do whatever you wish to yourself and with whomever wants to do it with you. There is no judgment here, only pleasure and acceptance. That is what you are part of, a family who understands what you need and we will always support everyone of you for as long as you are part of the circle.
No disloyalty will be tolerated. You attend when you want and you may stay away as long as you like, but disobeying the rules or breaking the codes will cost you the dearest thing you have in your life! Do we all understand the agreement that was signed?" Malina asked as she looked every single person in the eye.


I saw their fear but like dummies, they all nodded and said "Yes Miss Malina"
The man kept stroking himself, until he had his orgasm and fell against the wall. Disgusting shit!
Malina just glanced over as if nothing happened and continued on to say...
"We shall enter the next room where any of you who care to experiment will get the chance.
Are you ready?"

"No! Get me the fuck out of here! Malina stop, please let me wake up. I don't want to be here!"

"Shut up, this is good for you Miss goody goody. It's about time you learned this shit! Now I forbid you to speak to me, I have a job to do and these people need me to give them their poison"


I was in hell, so I thought but Malina was just getting started...


( To be continued )...


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" MY ALTER EGOS " ( Part Twelve )

                                                          "My Alter Egos" (Part Twelve)


Malina said ''Please'' and asked me to stay calm? Now, that's scary! What is this place and what is going to happen tonight? Who are all these naked people with masks on? The biggest question of all is why do they treat Malina with so much respect?...


The man handed Malina a drink and took her by the hand. He led us to the second floor of the mansion, where we entered another room full of fully clothed people. They were all dressed very sophisticated.


"Good Evening everyone, I would like for you all to meet our 'Hostess' for the night, Miss Malina.
She will be personally giving you a tour and answering any questions you might have. She is also the one that will decide if any of you are to be accepted into our 'Private Society'. Please follow her instructions and guidance as she briefs you now on the rules. Malina, would you do us the honor please?"


"Hello everyone and welcome. In this place, there are no boundaries of what you can do when it comes to your sexual fantasies. Hugo will be collecting your personal information sheets and cheques for the amount of fifty thousand dollars. This is the initiation fee only, which includes your membership for one year. This also includes your attendance fee but not your special requests.
I will take you for a quick tour and show you what we have available on a monthly basis, here at The Mansion of secrets. This society is for the few selected elites only and each one of you must meet the credentials, we ask for. Understood? Now, while we need to process the information, why don't you all get acquainted. This will be the last night you will see each other's faces without a mask. Drink and have some fun, before the real fun begins!"


Everyone agreed by saying "Yes" and Hugo began to collect the cheques and personal information. 
Malina shook every one's hands while they all drooled over her exposed body underneath her hooded trench coat. I could sense that even the women were attracted to her as well. I was busy picking vibes up from the crowd that I could not hear Malina's thoughts.


Hugo ran the information and came back about a half hour later.
"It all checks out Lady Malina"

"Very Good, Hugo. Thank you."


Malina and I walked to the front and she made her speech to let everyone know that they've all been approved. With that, she announced that they will be given a special cape and masks to wear and that  they may keep their shoes on.
After the capes and masks were handed out, Malina called out names and told them to step to the front of the room. There were doctors, lawyers, dentists, musicians, actresses, politicians, religious men and the heads of big corporations. She handed them all a name tag with only their first names on it.

I was shocked! What is this dream? Why is Malina showing me this?
I was beginning to feel more apprehensive with each given moment, as to what would happen next. Could this be what she meant about evil hiding behind good?

I was beginning to understand... Whatever Malina plans to do with these demented people, I know will not be something I want to witness, but here I am...
Inside her body and mind in 'Dream world!'
I don't want to experience the tour and to  see what these people's sick fantasies are!


Malina is part of me and I can feel her darkness taking over. She wants to expose me and tempt me.
How do I wake up from this dream before the tour starts?
My eyes! My eyes hurt all of a sudden...
They feel swollen and my skin feels chapped. I want to wake up from this dream now!


She began to lead the crowd into the next section of the mansion. As the door opened, what I saw was enough to scare the living shit out of me!
There was a man suspended in the air with pins and needles through his skin!

She laughed at me and told me that I had no choice, but to go through with this. She told me that I was her special guest, who was about to experience my own evil within her...


( To be continued )...


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" MY ALTER EGOS " ( Part Eleven )

                                                        "My Alter Egos" (Part Eleven)


What did Malina mean when she said, her job was to inform us four of the evil that hides in every good? Us four? Where are the other three? And why am I part of the four now?
I'm feeling very distraught again...

I must think of a way to wake up if things get too weird for my liking.
The question is... what if I can't?



The mansion was very eerie looking and my senses told me that this was going to be another strange experience, I was about to embark on with Malina leading.
As we entered the front door, a very handsome man dressed in a black suit greeted Malina with a kiss on her hand. He had very soft lips and I was attracted to him, but Malina wasn't a bit moved by his debonair ways. She gave him a nod and moved towards the long corridor.

It was empty and silent. I wouldn't have suspected any type of gathering in such a place but was I wrong!
We turned left at the end of the corridor which led to a small like living room. Malina stopped and poured herself a drink then proceeded to enter another room, which was huge!
In that room was a large fireplace with decadent furnishings and designs on the wall. There were couches all over the place that were covered with blankets and capes.

There must have been at least 200 masked people, who were all naked and socializing with one another. I noticed that the women were all wearing high heels and the men were also wearing their shoes.
How odd is that? Completely naked except for a mask and a pair of shoes! This has got to be a massive 'Orgy' about to happen, and I'm not liking this shit at all!

One blond female approached Malina and tried to kiss her in the mouth but Malina was quick to reject her. Malina and I made our way through the naked crowd until she was stopped by a man, who was completely dressed in a black pint stripe suit with a hat on and a mask, which he removed for Malina.


"Thank you for coming Malina, did you bring your guest along?" He asked her politely.

"Yes, I did. This guest of mine is our 'Chauffeur' and she has been needing some time off, so I thought, what nicer thing to do than to let her see this for herself!"

"Fuck you Malina! I'm not the chauffeur, I'm the 'Driver' that you four need to get you to your destination! Don't make me look like an ass! You think you have a temper? You haven't seen mine yet!" I told Malina by telepathy.

"Relax sister... I'm playing with you. I need you straight and to be observing all that you see tonight will bring! I don't want you angry! Just let me handle what I need to handle, and you will be wiser by the time the evening is over! Okay?"

I replied "Alright but no damn weird shit!"

"You already know there will be weird shit , just relax... I'm very respected here and you have nothing to worry about. Just stop interjecting with your thoughts. Pay attention to each person I talk to. You will find out why I told you about 'evil hiding in good'. Stay calm okay?... Please."

Malina said ''Please'' and asked me to stay calm? Now, that's scary! What is this place and what is going to happen tonight? Who are all these naked people with masks on? The biggest question of all is why do they treat Malina with so much respect?...


( To be continued )...


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" MY ALTER EGOS " ( Part Ten )

                                                           "My Alter Egos" (Part Ten)

Perhaps, it's my turn to be driven around and ride as a passenger.
I know this much, if I make an agreement, then I must honor it and sometimes things can't go back to the way they used to be!
Malina will make sure to tempt me soon...


I finally fell asleep around 4am.
My mind had been busy all day with thoughts about the future, and no matter how hard I tried to silence my mind, it remained occupied and full.
When I did fall asleep, I fell asleep deep... and that's when Malina came and got me.


Malina wore the same caramel hooded trench coat, with nothing on underneath again.
Once I saw that, I knew I was asleep and was now in 'Dreamworld' for the second time.
I was happy Malina came for me. It felt good to sit up on my bed as a different person.
I was in her body and inside her mind. I saw everything she saw and felt everything she felt physically. I admired the trench coat and how it looked on Malina's naked body.


I touched everything I could while Malina laughed. She asked me if I wanted to feel her body  too, which freaked me out a bit. She told me to enjoy myself tonight while she enjoys herself and that I have freedom whenever she's in control.


She took me  into the woods, which is my favorite place to be, but it was dark and eerie looking.
She told me that part of my problem is that I only see the good and never the bad.
She said, her job was to protect and to inform us four about the evil that hides in every good.
Why would I argue with her? I'm now the 'passenger' and she's the 'driver'... I must respect that.


We walked for a little bit before coming to a clearing where I saw a group of people gathered around holding lanterns and blankets. As we got closer to them, I noticed that they were also dressed in trench coats or capes with nothing on underneath! I had no clue what the hell was going  on, but it was getting very interesting...

Malina walked her steady pace and I could see her breasts bouncing magnificently in the moonlight, I was distracted by that and did not see someone run up from behind us.
It was a man with a lantern. He approached us and asked Malina if he could walk with her.
She nodded and kept walking. We then walked up a small hill with him leading us. The woods were quite dark and the whole scenario was starting to creep me out.

"We're almost there" Malina said.

"They will be happy to see you tonight" the man replied.

"I brought a guest along, so make sure I get my privacy when I need it"

"Of course, my lady, I will see to it myself that you have all you want and need."


The man was very polite but had a sinister demeanor.
Right after noticing that about him, I realized that we were now approaching the gateway of a huge mansion. There were some lights which illuminated the pathway and gave it that mysterious feel.


I'm not convinced this is going to be fun for me, the way Malina wants it to be.
I'm sensing things that I don't want to sense. I'm not good at being the passenger. I feel trapped!
What did Malina mean when she said her job was to inform us four of the evil that hides in every good? Us four? Where are the other three? And why am I part of the four now?
I'm feeling very distraught again...

I must think of a way to wake up if things get too weird for my liking.
The question is... what if I can't?


( To be continued )...


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" MY ALTER EGOS " ( Part Nine )

                                                           "My Alter Egos" (Part Nine)

What is going on? Is it possible that what I thought was real, isn't real at all?
Is Malina my alter ego, or am I actually hers?


There was something 'Magical' about the dream I had with Malina in control.
Today, I feel like a new person. My day was very productive and I feel something has changed within me. I do believe that one can't know good unless they have some knowledge of evil.
If all one has ever known are good feelings then one's coping skills, when bad hings happen would most likely be below average.

Having said that, I don't agree in being bombarded with shit after shit, year after year.
That is not healthy at all, even if it's in the name of wisdom!
I have never been into drama and chaos. I'm methodical and I plan ahead.
I respect failures and victories. I have my opinion but I don't judge!
Malina is the opposite. She judges and never gives a second chance. I sometimes wish I could be that way...

My up-bringing was all about being considerate and thoughtful towards others first.
'Never wait to be asked to help'. When you see a need, you must act fast to help!
It sounds great, doesn't it? It is! ... For everyone else but thyself!
This is what Malina continuously argued with Danielle about. The two were always arguing over 'Right' and 'Wrong'. They were both always correct, if my opinion counts for anything at all.

Malina is no dummy. She is highly intuitive and instinctive with no remorse when she sees that a person is selfish. Danielle on the other hand, loves to be kind and nurturing.
She's well-educated, articulate, and very difficult to beat in an argument.
She always has the facts, that the next person was too lazy to dig and find.

When the two of them agree, there can be no losing! They are both intimidating as hell and if it weren't for Chloe's sense of humor, everyone would be panic stricken.
Danielle is still silent for the moment and I'm wondering if this is from a silent agreement the 4 have made behind my back!
Perhaps, they are not happy with the way I've been driving them to their destination.
I can see why. After all, I've allowed too many to distract my driving straight to the location they need to be!

Yes, I have my own mind and my opinion counts. They can all say 'NO' but if I say 'Yes', then ultimately... I have the last word and it's my action that counts.
Yes, I have failed them greatly. I've never been afraid to own up to failures, but I have also brought them victories too and that should count for something!

I will go with Malina for another walk tonight in dreamworld. I would like to see and understand why she is leading for now or if she is now the captain of the group.
I can't see Danielle staying silent for too long, but I could be wrong!

I'm afraid to like what I didn't like before. I see that I'm somewhat mutating into something other than an evolved 'ME'.

Throughout the years, when Malina would come out and deal with things rather than Danielle, things were always done quickly. Sometimes, people got hurt with words or by fist, but it was quick and all was worked out by Danielle later. She always had a way of smoothing things over after the storm and the terror that Malina caused. No real harm done unless the opponent had it coming! Malina was merciless in that way! Danielle gave and always took the pain away.

Malina told me that I must take a different route to our destination now. No more fucking around with hitch hikers and the likes in the name of being a good samaritan.
"Drive straight and fast or you will be dismissed" were her words to me.
What that means, I don't know and I'm not worried. For as long as they exist, I shall exist.
I was able to taste what it's like to be in someone else's mind co-existing with another and...
what it's like to be them in my mind and body.

Perhaps, it's my turn to be driven around and ride as a passenger.
I know this much, if I make an agreement then I must honor it and sometimes, things can't go back to the way they used to be!
Malina will make sure to tempt me soon...

( To be continued )...

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" MY ALTER EGOS " ( Part Eight )

                                                         "My Alter Egos" (Part Eight)


For now, Malina is dominating in a bad way and I'm torn between doing right or doing wrong in accordance to 'The Codes'...

I had dreams again last night, but this time I wasn't me. I was Malina and she had full control of my body.
The strange thing was that, it was my body yet it looked different.
It was as if Malina and I traded places! She became me and I became her.
This sounds outrageous, but it kind of felt good that she was in control and the roles were reversed.
I felt safe inside her mind and her taking control of the physical.

The dream was somewhat twisted...

Malina was dressed in a caramel color, hooded trench coat with nothing on underneath.
She was completely naked and exposed as she walked down the streets.
It was night time and even the scoundrels didn't bother her. She walked freely and untouchable.

I would question her on our safety and she would satisfy me with the words "When I'm in control, no one will fuck with us!"
She made me feel safe with those words, and I can't explain why, but I was really liking the ride!

This thing with Malina and I ...
I can't explain any of it.
During my waking moments, I'm the 'Driver', who has my body to use as the vehicle my 4 Alter egos to be driven in.
Last night during the dream, Malina was in full control of me and with her own vehicle..
A different body than what mine looks like, it was her own creation of a physical body!

I was intrigued and impressed by it all, but how was that possible?

I had no clue where she was taking me, but I was there with her... inside her head!
It was the opposite of how it is in real life.
There she was, walking with a mighty focus and there I was seeing and thinking independently yet dependent on her!
Yes, it was enough to make any one's mind snap. I had wondered if this was a form of digression on my part?

Everyone we passed just looked and moved out of the way! It was awesome to feel such power!
I knew I was dreaming but it was a good dream this time.
I didn't have any worries at all. I was just along for the ride and it felt great not to be on guard every second.

Malina took me for a walk all over town. The rich part of town and the rough part of town.
There were people everywhere. The ones from the rough part of town all seemed to know who she was.
They didn't seem to look surprised by her exposed body under the wide opened trench coat.
She walked as though she owned it all and the pathetic people were nothing more than her laborers and slaves.

Her walk was with weight but to me, it felt like we were floating.
The moon was full and quite eerie, which I never liked before.
Malina told me she had things to show me and many more walks to take with me, as things slowly get disclosed.

What is going on? Is it possible that what I thought was real, isn't real at all?

Is Malina my alter ego, or am I hers?



( To be continued )...

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" MY ALTER EGOS " ( Part Seven )

                                                           "My Alter Egos" (Part Seven)

I'm not sleeping much lately and when I do, I have Malina dictating things inside my head that I don't agree with!
It's almost as if she's brain washing me and so far, it's starting to work little by little...


Malina has found a new territory to try to conquer, my sub-conscious! (dream state of mind).
I would like to think she can't use 'inception' to get to my deep sub-conscience level, but that would be foolish of me!

I was always superb at 'lucid' dreaming, but that took practice nonetheless, and I became good at it!
It's been many years that I have been dreaming in color and remembering details, that sometimes... Nobody ought to remember!

In the past 8 years, my dreams have been getting weirder and weirder.
They are very scary and vivid dreams!
I dream of a masked man with a knife, who chases me until I have no choice but to let him kill me or jump off the cliff.
I dream of strange faces and afterwards, I see those same faces a few weeks later!

Just a few nights ago, I woke up all dressed up as if I was going somewhere...
I didn't have a clue as to where I had planned on going, but I was dressed to go somewhere!
If it wasn't for the fact that my cat woke me up, I don't know where I would have ended up!

So many things are being juggled through my mind, I can hardly keep track now.
As a the 'Driver', I have no clue as to where I will end up with the wheel in my hands...
I don't know weather I ought to turn left, right, go straight or weather I should just stay still.

I have woken up from my own voice, talking out loud during a dream!
I have no clue what all these dreams mean, but they must mean something!
The sub-conscious is always trying to give us a hint of what is going on.
I must pay attention, very close attention!

I have also found myself drifting off during my waking moments, only to find myself in a dream-like stage...
Not a good sign, if you ask me!
Nothing happens for no reason, everything has a meaning.
Not many want to acknowledge that, but I do!

Perhaps, I have lost it. I don't know. All I know is that I'm a target for the moment by something I can't figure out. To those that are spiritual, you might say it's demonic.
To those that are scientific, you may say that it's emotional trauma.
Watever it may be, my suspicion is that Malina is behind it all the way, but I could be wrong and maybe, just being paranoid!

My dreams are very real and scary to me.
I'm trying to figure out how it may affect my judgement for the betterment of the rest of my 'Alter Egos', that is if they are all still intact!
I'm starting to feel desperation now, and I never believed in desperation!
I had to learn the hard way that one must stay calm and stay ten steps ahead, but I feel like I'm loosing ground.

Malina seems to be winning with her twisted yet logical views.
I can only hope and pray that I'm stronger than I had ever hoped to be.
This is surely the hardest battle I've ever had to undergo.
Dreams... They may not seem to mean much to you, but they mean the world to me!
They have made me who I am today and all that I've accomplished!
To some, they are mambo jumbo nonsense, but to me?
They are as real as taxes and death!

What will happen in the next 7 days is unknown.
All I know, is that I must make changes and choices that deal with some unpleasant things and I will be the one responsible, no matter what Malina suggests or doesn't suggest!

How I wish for little Amy to speak out...
Perhaps, if Danielle would say one word, like 'NO!' that would help me a lot!
For now, Malina is dominating in a bad way and I'm torn between doing right or doing wrong in accordance to 'The Codes'...

( To be continued )...


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" MY ALTER EGOS " ( Part Six )

                                                            "My Alter Ego" (Part Six)

I'm still able to distinguish her thoughts from my own, but I grow weary with each constant struggle...
I find myself fighting against her intrusions, with every ounce of energy that I have.
I must regain control over my body and mind, if I don't...
May God forgive the things that I may do wrong!

I'm now feeling very desolate in my attempts to get the closest people to understand the struggle that I face. Slowly but surely, I'm wanting and needing solitude. Not knowing which directions I must 'drive' my 4 Alter Egos is driving me deeper into the abyss.

There are still no communication with Amy, Chloe and Daniele. It is only Malina who speaks!
Each day brings me closer to Malina defeating me in my quest to complete my job, which is to drive them to their destination of 'Peace and Unity'. I feel alone and very close to being desperate in my fight to survive in my physical body as myself, 'the driver'.

Each day, Malina suggests that I should leave everyone behind who cares about me.
She tells me that they only care because I do things for them and always have.
I have been the 'driver' and the 'provider' along with being able to make sense of things, most can't even fathom!
But I'm tired now...
Too many hurts inflicted by those who were supposed to have loved me, and those that I trusted.

This is indeed what I think about...
What would it be like to sleep permanently, so that I don't have to look after the four of them or anyone else for that matters!
Is it wrong? I have always been the type to work at everything, especially understanding and forgiveness. That was Danielle's influence but now that she has been silent, all I hear is Malina's plans to flee from everyone!

I'm not afraid to die but I'm afraid to let Malina take over! I would rather have Danielle be in charge. She is Intelligent and responsible. She is compassionate and accepting. She is logical and trustworthy.
Malina used to be, with the exceptions of her temper. She used to be protective of Amy and the rest.

Now, she is counting the days when she can find  a good reason to 'Punish' and 'Hurt' back!
She has some very valid points of argument there! I mean really, how much can little Amy and the rest take? That includes me, in the physical!

I'm not sleeping much and when I do, I have Malina dictating things inside my head that I don't agree with!
It's almost as if she is brain washing me and so far, it's starting to work little by little...


( To be continued )...


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" MY ALTER EGOS " ( Part Five )

                                                           "My Alter Egos" (Part Five)

Malina is surely the one that has been running the show lately. I can sense her anger getting stronger and her resentment  becoming more malicious by the day. She seems to have no more regards towards living by her codes. She seems to be transforming and mutating into a different character than what she used to be.

This scares me, because she seems to have an even darker side than what she had before!
The things she would have never considered of doing, she is now considering.
She feels different to me in a very eerie way. Destructive and no longer with any sense of that 'protective' nature that she had before.

I don't know if she has snapped and if it's too late...
I don't know what my job as 'The driver' now entails.
I haven't heard anything from Amy herself, but I was wrong about her, Chloe and Danielle being gone. Thank God!

I caught a glimpse of Amy and Chloe this weekend, but only for a brief moment.
I also heard from Danielle, which gave me some peace. I sensed that Danielle wasn't happy about a few things but she wasn't clear on what they were.

If all three are still existing , then there has to be some hope of straightening Malina out.
With Amy quiet and aloof, this could only mean she has been hurt deeply.
Then there is Chloe , who is not her usual self either. Did she get hurt too?

My mind is going into over-drive with all this silence from the three of them.
Could they be angry with me, their physical driver? Could I have done something to hurt them in my quest to get them to their final destination?

I have been perplexed for quite some time now. I'm doing a lousy job at keeping them together as a team within myself, which has never happened before!
I know that if Malina decides to take it out on me, then I will have to 'Fight' her with all my might.
That will not be easy, as we are all connected and know each other's weaknesses and strengths.

Malina is capable of doing things that I'm not. If she wins, it could destroy me physically!
If that happens, then none of them shall arrive at their destination.
For the moment, I still have my own distinct thoughts, but for how long?

Malina is very persuasive with her convictions and now that Danielle is staying silent, there is no one to argue Malina's ideas. It seems to be between her and I now, and she is rapidly taking over each day.
I'm still able to distinguish her thoughts from my own, but I grow weary with the constant struggle...
I find myself fighting against her intrusions, with every ounce of energy that I have.
I must regain control over my body and mind, if I don't...
May God forgive the things that I may do wrong!


( To be continued )...


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" MY ALTER EGOS " ( Part Four )

                                                           "My Alter Egos" (Part Four)

My job as the 'Driver' of my 4 Alter Egos, is starting to take a toll on me.
I have not slept much lately!

Chloe has never been a problem. She only wants to bring joy and laughter.
Lately, she hasn't been communicating with me at all.
I worry about that!
She has been silent and doesn't seem to find anything funny. I haven't heard her laugh at all, and it scares me to think that she could also be sad or depressed.

Even in my dreams, Malina seems to be the 'main' character who is leading and conquering.
She's angry, very angry and becoming more violent as time elapses.
I have not heard too much from Danielle either.
Danielle is usually the one, who defeats Malina with her logical reasons that she presents to Amy.

Where is Danielle? I miss her as much as I miss Chloe!
Has Amy forbidden the two of them from speaking?
I'm having a tough time with deciphering what Amy wants.

Amy is always present but very difficult to reach.
My job is to make sense of the four of them, and I am used to it after all these years.
What I'm not used to, is this 'silence' from 3 out of 4.

I know how ridiculous it sounds, but could Malina have killed the 3 of them, so that she can take over?

That would be the classic outcome of cases with multiple personalities!
Malina has been communicating with me, with all sorts of really crazy ideas that I'm not too happy about.
I refuse to follow her prompting, because Amy has not said how she feels about any of the stuff Malina has told me!

In over 2 decades, I've never had to deal with silence from any of them, what more 3 of them?
They are usually all talking at the same time, and my duty was to play referee!
Now, here I am...
Confused and Afraid to drive to the next destination!

Malina is very angry about a lot of things that have happened over the past 8 years.
I believe she is looking for reasons to detonate!
It's part of my job to stop that. If that's the case, I'm a bit insecure.
I'm not sure how to do so, or if I can even do it!

I'm doing my best to stay as positive as I can, but I'm getting weaker by the second.
Malina is getting stronger with her hatred against the many, who have hurt little Amy.
I'm hoping I'm wrong about my fear, in regards to Malina snuffing Amy, Chloe and Danielle!

How could she ever do something like that?
After all, without Amy... She would not exist!
However... having said that, I must be aware of the possibilities, as crazy as they may seem and think ten steps ahead!

If Malina can snuff Amy out and the others, it's only a matter of time before she snuffs me out, and takes over completely!


( To be continued )...


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" MY ALTER EGOS " ( Part Three )

                                                          "My Alter Egos" ( Part Three)


These days, Malina seems to be more dominant than the intellectual Danielle.

It scares me sometimes, to think that Malina has the power to dominate so strongly.
It scares me, because she is not as well grounded as Danielle.
As I said before, Amy is the real 'Boss' and Malina's job is to protect and to punish anyone that hurts Amy or threatens her in anyway.

Amy has never grown up, and I don't think she ever wants to! Let's be honest, why bother when she has the other 3 to sort things out and she has me to 'Drive' and take care of the physical things?
A person can go crazy thinking about these things!

I prefer to let them sort things out first within each other's realm and then I step in.
I am their physical 'Representator' and it's not an easy job.
Where they lack, I must excel, but who is there for me when I need some counsel?
No one!

Malina and Danielle continue to battle for the number one spot of being Amy's rescuer and heroine.
Malina, being the younger and the violent one makes things hard to clean things up at times, but that's my job!
For now, Malina is enjoying the spot light. She has the capability of serious destruction and with no prejudice!

I need to stay on guard, as it will surely affect me in the physical realm.
I understand Malina's distaste and resentment, but I agree more with Danielle's way of handling things.
Malina wants to 'Clean house' while Danielle wants to 'Preserve'.
I want 'Peace'.

So much pain and anguish over the little things, that have built up over the years.
It's my job to make sure none of them get too carried away!
Not easy to do!
At the moment, Malina has the sword because Amy said so!

She wants to eradicate all issues that bother little Amy. Not always the healthiest thing to do.
Not when turmoil is at large and desperation is prominent.

I can only do my best, but where do I turn for counsel, when everyone I know, can't follow a single word that I speak about?
The only way to extricate myself from this dilemma is to exit completely.
To exit completely means to leave them all behind as a memory and me in a casket!


( To be continued )...


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" MY ALTER EGOS " ( Part two )

                                                                     My Alter Egos

Being the 'Driver' of the vehicle that my 4 alter egos ride in can be a painful and exasperating job.
I'm constantly having to deal with confusion between the emotions that battle within.
For their sakes, I must change the names, so please make a mental note.

Introducing Character #1: Amy

The six year old that decided to stay hidden within the walls of the sand castles in her mind.
A very shy little girl that was abandoned and betrayed by the world of lies that she was given.
This little girl is not your average six year old. She is smarter than most highly educated people I know, and I know many!
This child is highly intuitive and pays attention to details that nobody cares to know about.
She has a photographic memory that can scare the colors right out of your rainbow!
Amy is like a ghost. She is always there, but no one can ever really make her stay.

Introducing Character #2: Chloe

The teenager. She is 13 years old and has a great sense of humor. She loves to play jokes on people and make them laugh. She spends most of her time playing with Amy or by herself.
She sees life as one big entertainment. She finds people amusingly silly.
She is the only one that has no sadness in her. She is laughter and giggles every second of the day!

Introducing Character #3: Malina

The attractive and sexy 24 year old, who has the most violent temper every man should run from.
She is the 'Punisher' of those who hurt little Amy in anyway, shape or form.
She is detached from her emotions by choice. She is driven and decisive. She is logical and methodical.
A survivor; an avenger; a hero; a helper but a dangerous foe to have. She has killer instincts and talents along with strength, that no one would or could ever suspect.
She has codes she lives by, and if you make her angry enough to make her break those codes,
you will be the one who will lose.
She is afraid of nothing and no one, and would be happy to lose her life to make a point!
That makes her scary and dangerous.

Introducing Character #4: Danielle

The well educated, charismatic and beautiful 35 year old. Danielle is exceptional when it comes to problem solving and people's politics. She can disarm any negative individuals just by looking into their eyes and smiling. Her intellect can console any type of issues that another maybe facing.
She is a fantastic listener and is incredibly good with communication skills.
She also has a photographic memory and is very talented with anything creative or constructive.
She is a 'control freak' and has a way of keeping things under control by damage prevention.
She is a visionary and accomplishes everything she says she will.
Far from being a dreamer, Danielle is an outstanding 'Leader', always desiring others to do better than she can do herself.

Danielle has very strong rules and codes like Malina does, but they disagree on many things, especially when it comes to forgiveness and second chances.
Danielle believes that one can evolve oneself and change the bad into good.
Malina believes everyone is allowed one mistake and one mistake only.
Malina cuts hearts out , but Danielle stitches them together!

There you have a light insight of the 4 main characters of my Alter Egos...

( To be continued )...


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" MY ALTER EGOS " ( Part One )

                                                            "My Alter Egos" (Part One)


I have 4 of them.
One of them is a 6 year old; the second, a 13 year old; the third, a 24 year old and the fourth, a mature 35 year old.

The 6 year old is the Boss, who dictates how the other 3 will ask me to handle any given situations I must deal with in life.

To know all 4 is to know the Real ME, but this is something I am NOT permitted to disclose in great details.

I became acquainted with the 4 of them, very early in life and decided to name each one of them, in order to Understand myself better.
They have not failed me yet, in teaching me about Aceeptance; Accountability; Self-Respect; Fighting for a greater cause; Trust; Fortitude and many other qualities!

Ever wonder why you do, what you do? You blame it to depression, confusion, and low self-esteem?
Get to know each one of your personality traits and you will find life to be very Interesting and full of purpose.

I am the 'Driver' who is in control of the wheel, only because I have the keys to the vehicle that my 4 passengers must ride in. The four alter egos dictate as to where they would like me to go, but
I am still the one 'Driving' and none of them will arrive at their final destination, unless I Agree!


(To be continued)...


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